Really the picture above could be the end of the blog.
Like: You deserve to be happy. The end.
And it should be enough, right? But, because you’re never quite ready to believe me when I say you are enough, you don’t quite fully believe that you deserve to be happy, and as such, there is need for explanation.
Or I’m longwinded. Whatever.
Let’s just do a quick breakdown:
Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Period.
There are a trillion schools of science or religion or psychology (etc) that have come up with all kinds of ideas/limits/restrictions/distinctions in order to define what happiness is and what it can be. As such, because we do not meet/understand all of these standards, we somehow decide along the way that we must not, nor cannot, ever be sustainably happy.
If we’re real, what we do is allow ourselves to go through life seeking happy moment after happy moment, lavishly indulging in the pitfalls of depression or anxiety between each.
And if we’re really real, what we really do is use goals and guilt to indefinitely suspend our own happiness.
Yea, I said it. Be mad. “Suspend my own happiness, khoLi? NO! Never! Not me.” Yes. You. Stay with me.
Sometimes the suspension (or flat out denial) of our own happiness begins with a goal. We pull this goal out of thin air (or create it for/with a partner, or a parent, or a friend, or a trainer (no shade, Mel), the list goes on … and we work toward it. For however long it takes, whether happy or not, promising ourselves we will be happy when we reach it, until we reach it.
Or sometimes, we don’t reach it.
And that brings us to guilt.
Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience (a feeling) that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation. It is closely related to remorse. However, it is not remorse _because remorse is an emotional expression of _personal regret, repentance, penitance, etc felt by a person after they have committed an act __which they deem_ to be shameful, hurtful, or violent.
Guilt, folks, is really just an acknowledgement that you’ve done some shit you shouldn’t have. —> Broken a promise, changed your mind when you’ve given someone your word, or, maybe you’ve actually committed a crime.
Remorse, is when you really feel a sure and certain regret for what you’ve done, usually causing you to commit some personal kind of change that allows you to amend or never repeat the actions for which you are remorseful.
However, because so many of us make commitments and promises to please any and everyone but ourselves, most of us never really reach that point of remorse.
Why? Because most of us can not find it in ourselves to feel true and deep regret.
Why? Because most of us have done nothing wrong. At least not by our own standards.
So instead of being able to take the standard 72-hour guilt trip, get over ourselves, and do better, we are somehow constantly bogged down by a feeling of being wrong, or, rather, unworthy of the grand privilege of being happy.
That’s just plain stupid. Cut it out.
Here’s what matters:
1. You’re the shit.
2. This is your life.
3. Because of 1 & 2, you deserve whatever you desire in this life. Period. No waiting. No hesitating. No Guiltlandia extended stays. You get happiness because you exist. Period. No waiting. No hesitating. So, every day, choose and commit to only what fuels your long-term happiness.
4. Because of 1 & 2 & 3, you can very well use your own free will to choose to remain unhappy and unfulfilled. However, as a result, you will be responsible for recognizing that it was your own free will that introduced complete and utter bullshit into your life. DO NOT go around blaming other people, and for god’s sake, DO NOT blame the bullshit. See 1 & 2 & 3 for instructions on how to resolve your poor decisions.
Today’s Mantra: I deserve to be happy because I am living. Because I am living, I deserve to be happy. These are the only conditions. I am the only variable. I deserve to be happy.
A small prayer ushered up from me to the farthest corners of my universe, <3 khoLi.